


This One Word

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-07-02
Updated: 2005-07-02
Packaged: 2018-12-26 17:54:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12064074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Justin needs to learn how to say goodbye.





	This One Word

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

_Author's Note: I wrote this story before as more of a personal thing. I realized afterwards that it might be a good idea for a story, not completely sure. In otherwords, please review and tell me if you think I should continue or if it gets a bit confusing in some parts. Thanks. :)_

* * *

Justin stood there silently staring into the crisp golden marshes that had kept him wondering for the past months. The depths of the man’s soul he loved. The man he could never have. Too much stood between their alikeness. Clutching hands, he wavered slightly in the strong current blowing his hair swiftly into the orange glow of sunset. Brian’s eyes looked down onto his fragile frame. Biting his lip Justin whispered the only thing he could think of, “I suppose this is it.” Brian didn’t waver in the slightest bit. The hazel windows began to fade. His heart stopped pounding as hard then. The blood rushing through his body was causing too much pain with each gush of sentiment. 

“It doesn’t have to end like this Justin. You know I like you…” he whimpered out. His tone making him sound like a small child, although his body stood up straight and strong. Justin’s silvery blue eyes looked up with mixed messages. He knew all to well how this perfect man was going to finish this sentence but for some reason the smallest bit of hope always came into play. Maybe, just maybe, he could change his mind and accept him. The emotions he pushed back the first day he saw him with his best friend came flooding right back again. These emotions bringing on a turmoil of others. Making him sink down farther.

Biting his lip Justin knew he couldn’t finish, or at least it would take him to long to figure out what to say. It would take him a while to come up with the perfect sentence to push him back again. To pull him upwards for that one split second but then let him fall back down, his palms not strong enough to carry the burden of his weight. Oh the many possibilities Brian could say right now. What difference would it make in the long run though? No matter what happens somebody would be crushed. His best friend was in love with this man or so it appeared. Heaven only knows what emotions she has for him. Even if this figure infront of her wasn’t exactly Abi’s dream, who was she to say that it wasn’t? That is not what a best friend does. You never stab someone in the back like that. Nor would Justin find anything appealing in him if he were to go with her after hurting Daphne. 

Poor Daph. It seems like the world had gotten her down. Ever since that horrid break up with her best friend Daniel. Who knows what she really wants or needs? The only few friends she has left are there standing together clutching on desperately to something neither of them understand all to well. 

Brian stares down into those shady blue eyes. It seems like the fire in those orbs is going out desperately and a new warm breeze is taking over. What can he do? Either fuel the fire and watch it turn into an icy glare once more or should he let go and watch that rare fire fade away. Not in a while has he seen such desire. Not for him or for anybody else in that case. Desire for what though? He’s nothing. He doesn’t even get himself. Why hurt him and hurt so many others? Everything seems to be going fine right now except for this slippery grasp on friendship. The train is going by now as the sun goes down. The loud whistle only seems to aid the wind farther and the golden locks of hair on the one that’s so close, but yet so far away inches back further from him. Should he just let go and watch him fade? That would be simplest.

Watching the debate swim through the opening of his soul Justin notices the color get darker. Could that be possible or is that only the light disappearing. Disappearing like what little hope he has left. With time it seems to be fading. Doesn’t help much that the little heals on his shoulder angel and devil seems pushing it into the ground. They were never meant to be. The perfect couple is not supposed to be together. In friendship or even acquaintance it is not possible. What he hates so much in himself is present in this man, this man that he could never figure out.

Time ticks by slowly and he has to say something. Although it’s been less then a minute he decides that this is the right time. No longer will he gaze into his center and watch her favorite mystery novel unravel. No more will he call for advice in her most pained situations. Never will he murmur his name in the darkness when the memories of past come back to haunt him. Forever the scars will last, on body, in soul but with one last word he can give this all up, good and bad. He pulls him in close one last time. Arms rigid around his neck, face pressing close to moist skin, the body of her once savior. Lips chapped with every time he has chewed on them softly conform around the word he needs to say, testing how he will say it. With one last press of mouth to ear he whispers what has to be said. He lets the wind push the word from his mouth. “Goodbye.”


End file.
